If I die...

 I guess as people aged, we would start to think about how to let the people we care get to have the most ... of everything (love, material, asset, precious posession, precious memory)... even after we die. 

So here I would like to talk about the way I would like to be celebrated when I die. 

I mean... 

We celebrate birthday

We celebrate annual new years

We celebrate every traditional festival because these make us feel that we are living alive. 

of course...there is always 

an ending

a full stop to a life. Dont you agree?  

so of course

I celebrate my death too. 💗💗

I celebrate the ending of my life. 💗💗

I am not afraid of death provided that I have truly live with no regret. 

By saying living with no regret what I mean is....

1. I have living my life to the fullest

2. spend precious time with people whom I care 

3. Ticked all my bucket list 

4. Plan for my after life (funeral, will )

I mean it. Please do the funeral,  and mourning in a way I like, eventhough i cant or I may see it. Okay.  

Some background about my idea before I proceed. 

I love things that dont harm the Earth.

Although right now, I still cannot live 100%  without using plastic

Although I am still using one-time diaper for my baby

and 

I still use one-time sanitary pad for period.  

but I would love to try my best to do anything I can not to harm the Earth, pollute the Earth.  

COFFIN 

When I die, i can to be buried in the most natural way, naked body without coffin. 

"Coffin  made from either metal or wood will take an average of 50 or more years to decompose underground."

I like the fact that I am borned as a human, a homo sapient, the most intelligent species of all at the time of writing.  Some times, we were too cultured, too educated... until I forget that I am actually part of the member of ecosystem. 

FYI, I am also a biology teacher....That day, I was teaching my student about intruder species in New Zealand. Here are some of the brief background....

New Zealand remains pristine, beyond human touch for 700 years.  Until the arrival of human,  we introduce rabbit, stoat,  cow and other invasive species to the land of New Zealand. I then asked my students to list down the example of invasive species....then at one point... my student listed down ..human.... which is an answer that never cross my mind (maybe i was too mould into the traditional way of teaching), but indeed he was right, and it struck me for some time.All the invasive species wouldn't be there without the arrival of human, to feed human's benefit. 

I wish that I can contribute to the ecosystem by not harming them. 

So why la....

when I die, still need to sleep in expansive coffin that take 50 years or more to decompose, i

I would love my body to be decomposed,  and the nutrients all go back to soil. and go back to the nutrient cycle....or maybe a part of fossil fuel... 

I mean I have lived my life eating a lot of meat....or the carcass of many animal.... so i really wish that my body can contribute back to the ecosystem. Instead of sleeping in the coffin ...like died ler also no value... (can cost zero harm when die). 

FUNERAL  (can skip also if really need to have coffin)

I dont want a traditional Chinese funeral that has a lot of burning incense paper.... that make the funeral full of smoke... aiyor... like kitchen ke? 

I would love to have a simple Buddhist funeral rites  mainly include chanting sutras, praying to the Buddha, reciting mantras, ceremonial rites, food offering, smoke offering (dont want smoke offering too). 

Funeral, in my opinion is not for me.... 

It is for people who care about me

Who wish to bid a proper farewell for the one more last time, even after dying. 

I had a very close friend of mine, we dont frequently contact each other, but it actually sadden me a lot knowing that he died so suddenly. Of couse i wish that i can pay respect to him and attending his funeral.  But I didnt attend his mourning ceremony in the end. and It really feel like something is lacking. I never got to bid a proper goodbye to him. Even until now, I wish that I go to his tomb and say hi to him when i go back to my hometown.  

so that's it so this post here... in short

Funeral do it the normal way.

The disposal of  body : Do it the natural way, buried naked body into the soil just like any other animal. If really cannot escape the  customary/cultural part.....then burn me into ashes la . 

OR 

in the case, must really put the body into coffin during the funeral....then skip the funeral also..... I mean I am sure people who care about me... will remember me in their memory and continue to live their live to the fullest.  

OR funeral at the place of buried , a simple 2 hour mourning session with my body buried in the ground . I think the last method is quite practical also. 

TOMB

Buried naked body without coffin for faster decomposition. Can have a tomb if got people really want to come and pray and pay respect. 

Update: I talked about this idea to my mom just now.  She thinks that this is inappropriate because all the after-death ceremony...basically just a ceremony done for living people around us. So no matter how , still need to wear clothes, so that people who visit us, will see us die in peace. Die in a proper way. 

If opt for burial , then choose the cheapest coffin that can burn easily. 

For me...i have some idea... how about  just wrap me in a biodegrable clothe and sent for cremation instead of put me into coffin?  

心情日记 July 2024

 I start July 2024 strong, but Iam feeling weak.  

当一个人情绪很敏感时

一句温暖、赞美的话  。。可以让我很开心

一句negative的话。。。也可以让我 很不开心以整天。 

这个应该就是所谓的说者无心， 听着有意。 

1.

This morning, my husband asked me why I didnt wake up early to send YX to school just like how he usually does.  I said I have woken up early at 7am for this. but YX is playful and dragging the time. 

Then he asked me ....just now YX has ady asked for milk for 10 mins, why you never wake up? 

(Our arrangement is..whoever send her to school on that day will wake up and make milk for her at the same morning). 

I said I didnt wake up at the time.  Then he subsequently asked me....why I slept so late yesterday....

I feel so speechless....I sleep at 12am.... it's not that I dont want to sleep. I want to sleep knowing that I will wake up early in the morning on the next day too....but is it my fault that I am stress...overly stretched and that I cant sleep?  

Normally I would always asked for help...Yesterday night...I really wish to talk to someone about how miserable I am currently. 

Miserable about the future

Miserable about the direction. 

I am a lot of things to do...but I feel i am direction-less.....

I wish to talk to someone. 

but I feel that no one understand me. 

Whever I talked about this to my husband...he only give me a rational solution. 

My husband is not in the same field as I am. 

He didnt know much about the industry, but I will definitely answer his question if he asked. 

His mindset is.... it's your problem...you solve it yourself since I dont know much about your situation.

Can you reassure me?  acknowledge my feeling?  

Instead of giving me a workable solution which I have known?  

 

He indeed is a good father, he looks after our cute daughter , tidy up the household and everything after working for the whole day. 

So I dont didnt want to wake him up from sleeping because he needs to rest well and work for the 

2. 

The same thing also happened when I talk to my mum. My mum is also damn rational. Whatever from her mouth is very rational and proper. SHe also offers me the solution only. 

Yesterday midnight, I feel like I am a loser. 

I feel that I have no friend. 

I feel like want to talk to someone about my feeling. 

but I have no one to talk to. 原来我的人缘很差很差。 

I cant sleep. 

I watch TV to distract myself. 

Normally I will watch something entertaining to make myself better and forget about the miserable feeling. 

In the end I resort to talk to myself. 
Be my own counselor. 

Talk to my diary... 

Dear Maple Shuh Hong, 

You are doing fine. It's okay that you feel miserable once, because you are now juggling between

Property (Sales required thick skin and strong heart)

Tuition 

and you still wish to have time for baby. 

but I want to come out of this rat race. 

I proud myself for knowing how to seek assistance when Iknow I need help. Just that 原来的我的人缘很差很差。    怎么办？  

这几天 我和我妈闹得有点不愉快。。。

我才发现到原来我的性格犹豫不决，是 因为都已经有人帮我做决定了。 

I think that she is quite possessive, and that I need to follow her decision because it is right and proper and rational and safe and no risk

NO NO NO NO, this time I choose to follow my own path. 

Iam living my own life. 

My life maybe misrable now. 

but hey it is okay. It wont be miserable forever.

so that's It. I want to start working because some how....throughout the miserable pathway....execution is still fine....it will still lead you to the right way. 

Hey Kok Shuh Hong, 

it is Okay. Never surrender to the adversity. 

Train your heart to be strong. 

You will live your life with tougher mentality after this.  

June 2024 _ Joy over the smallest thing

 You know you have become a parents when you can be so happy over a little achievement/ improvement from your kids. 

My daughter managed to finish 2 bowls of rice today! 

Soup rice to be exact. 

It is the kind that is like soup flooded rice that kind of rice. 

She doenst really like to chew big chunks of food pieces like meat, even omelette has to cut to very tiny pieces so that she won't  take it out. 

Too bad I didn't take photo. 

Yesterday, Sunday 

Her dad cooked a marvellous feast of black bean soup with pork bone 

YX likes to drink soup a lot. 

That's why she finished it all, and kept has her month open to indicate that she wants more! 

Also on SUnday, went to Jalan-jalan Japan (JJJ) to buy her some clothes. She has been growing up really fast. BOdy weight is fairly constant, but the height, the arm length, the leg keeps increasing. So we bought exact size or slightly large size for her.  

It was a fruitful journey. Her dad was the most shophaholic moment i have seen . Total purchase about Rm 150++ for 15 pieces clothes. so quite worthy also.  

JUne 2024 _Lost and not yet found

 I felt miserable because Ih dont motivation. Ifeel that the challenges I set is unachievable because I dont have time to rest and i constantly want to sleep. 

HOwever, my heart brims with hope whenever I think about my daughter Yee Xuan. I really want to be a good role model for my model. 

At the moment, Iam still feeling lost. 

Anyway, here's some of my recent life. 

I like this view. Ihope i can wake up to this view everyday. So much lively. and THis is the life i want to live! 

 

TBH, the river water was quite cold. It took us some time to really sink our butt into the water. 

My parents came KL on 1st of June for medical follow up, then Dad and bro went back to continue working. So here's some moment when my mom and hoay were in KL. 

All girls troupe

YX playing with her Cooper the dog from Soo Ann. 

三代同堂

At June 24 , at 20 months stage, she is very actively,  talks non-stop . and just curious to everything. 

It was a public holiday due to Agong's birthday.

Of course my sister is constantly working round the clock to answer client's phone. 

It was a public holiday, of couse we chill and rest and do nothing. 

As a mom, you will just promptly to take out your phone and celebrate every small achievement of your daughter. Even it is just a normal progress. 

 

Moment with her yi yi 

When i was having yoga in the gym 

Yihan came KL. So meeting up on Fri with her cutie Son! Wei wei 

Spenting time with Wai po 

Go for ID hunting 

Morning randon dance at a nice gym in a nice condo. 

May 24 当妈后的心情。。

 RIght now, my daughter is no longer a baby. (It still feels like yesterday that she was a cute vulnerable baby that I used to carry a lot)

She is now very active, like a normal toddler. 

and you know what's the little things that can keep me happy for quite some time.....? 

As I reflect on this...I myself am quites surprise to find out how parenthood has change my mind... 

She hasn't been eating solid food these 3 -4 days. THen on Sun, my husband WS made a pot of ABCsoup. 

For lunch ....she eats like half a bowl 

FOr dinner....she ate almost one bowl or more

Seeing that she didnt eat much for the past few days, (she only drank milk/soya, and rejecting all the solid food, she would take out those food as soon as there is solid)

and now that she ate a lot, it really keep ws and me happy. 

Also...on the same night...she asked for milk twice...around 1am and 3am ...then the usual 6am....

about 7 ounces for each time....

We thought maybe it is a growth spurts...but then hor...

on the second day (Mon),

She's back to the no-solid food mode again 😏😏😏Ai yor..this girl yea. what she wants...

March 2024

 Although I am not so active now in blogging, but I still cannot bear to see that I dont see the latest update of my daughter in this blog. So here I am, I am going to update about my March life basically.  

Happy daughter, Happy Father 

Hello.....I like that my blog is filled up with my cute baby's latest photo. Hellow World.....HOw are you?   Let's live life to the fullest okay. 

My daughter is literally living her life to the fullest and that makes her parents tired... 😅😅😅 #parents'problem

This month is her 19th Month in the world. 

Went to Jalan2 Japan 

I actually plan to teach her a few things 

1. TO eat my herself 

2. Potty training 

3. To clean up (toys, clothes) by herself 

4. To wear shoes by herself (She is very excited when it comes to wearing shoes)

As my hair was getting longer, I went and get my hair cut shorter. I didnt have high expectation, but it turned out to be quite pretty....but now...my hair is like grass, as I didnt maintain it properly .

21/3 - Basil Pasta

Thank you my bro for treating me a scrumptious dinner despite you are rushing off to your friends ' gatheirng 

I miss eating pasta. esp Aglio Olio. but the Aglio Olio here like not spicy enough... also it is a red sauce one....so I wondered if they served the wrong one.  coz I saw in the menu, that is another lala pasta which seem spicy and suit my preference. 

YOu will always come across food photo here in my blog. because I love to eat. Haha. 

This is fried bitter gourd with pork and black bean.

Despite the humble looking of this simple dish, it actually tastes magnificient.

  It is so scrumptious, tastefully done by my husband. I told him..... if he quit his current job, he will still be able to earn a decent job by cooking because it was so delicious! 

And the above video is my bao bei trying to have a taste of bitter gourd. She accepted it. 

This michievous girl.....

My source of distraction 

My source of unproductivity 

and also 

My source of happiness  

So much of bittersweet story....

In short, my sweet burden. and ...I am still en route to have another sweet burden. If you are reading this, please pray for me that I could have a decent income , healthy body and a baby. Thank you !

Nah, you can experience her mischievous through your screen here. 

My very kind aunty passed away from pancreatic cancer. 

We did one time video call, and I couldnt bear to see that she has become like skinny bone only. I guess it must be very suffer for her. 

And it is good that she no longer need to suffer anymore. This is also my first time having to experience wake and funeral in CHristian way..the hallelujah way. 

It was a bit odd that when they use their tongue to chant something. but other than that, i like it they make the passing of their follower a hopeful one. 

It wasn't really a sad funeral. Every one is feeling hopeful as ...according to Christian?  (correct me if I am wrong).... she is now on the way to heaven and no longer need to suffer. 

Their power of faithfulness is very overwhelming. even the followers from Singapore, Alor Setar come to Teluk Intan in Perak just to give my kind aunt their blessing. I am quite touched actually. 

On the other hand, I can also feel that my cousin sister (daughter to the passing aunt) has grown up so much as she had to looking after her during the hospitalisation. 

A quick high tea in Teluk Intan, savouring local delicacies before we parted into 2 group. Group 1 back to KL. Group 2 back to my hometown. 

Also manage to squeeze time in between to visit my beloved godmother in Teluk Intan. 

I make a commitment to myself that I want to workout more. I want to be more committed. So I went to buy some yoga stuff like Yoga mat and pants. 

UO Shin in Millerz @ OKR is quite a pleasant meal. Afforable and tasty 

It is always packed even during the not-so-busy  weekday working time. Better to make reservation before coming. 

March 12 - This girl ar.... She bites until the pacifier broken 

Good, we didnt buy a new one. And use this incident as a valid reason ...telling our daughter that she doest have pacifier anymore. This incidence came at perfect timing. 😆😆😆

10th March :Too cute not to feature my cute baby here. 

I was so determined so get my daugther to eat on her own until I buy the kid utensil set from Ikea. 6 sets of them. RIght now....The kitchen has i think 8 sets of her utensils ady. 

9 March 2024 我的老公是厨神  

Butter saute pork. Damn oil...but very satisfying ...full aroma and so delicious I  dont have craving to eat out.