August 27, 2021

The 6 weeks baby - Part 1

Prelude

My dear 6 weeks little baby soul, you will be remembered and missed whenever someone read this post. Thank you for had had been coming to my life. This is a little post dedicated to you. You little soul.

I told myself I must document this down before my next pregnancy, because I am sure that once the next baby come in, I will be focusing to take care the next baby already.

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The first chapter

11st June 2021

My menstrual should had come on the first week on April, but it still hadn't come until June. So of course, I would do the pregnancy test and hoping to see the double line there.

11th June :Actually I am still very doubt that I have pregnant, as you can see in the image here, the second line in the pregnancy test here was very faint. So I was guess it is because the test strip is not accurately.

13th June 2021

As you can see , I had got another test kit to try again, and this time, it was quite obvious, a solid double line. A solid positive pregnancy!

Both of us were so happy, and of course, we need to capture this great moment!

Then started my journey of taking folic acid and vitamin C

Folic acid :For the development of baby

Vitamin C : At the time, all of us haven't got the vaccine yet, so my dear brother, bought Vitamin C and folic acid for me to eat

Thank you, Kean Heng!

20th June 2021 - Father's day

Ever since we both of that I was pregnant , we were so happy. Every night before sleeping, he would stroke my belly. and I would also conciously look at my belly in the mirror , very frequently.

THis was the photo of my belly, with baby inside, and the father of the baby.

omg, we were soon going to be daddy and mummy!

26th June 2021

Then, we also started to be more concious on my diet. That day, I told WS that I feel like want to eat fish. So here's the next thing that happened.

I think thi was the first time we eat steam fish, and also the first time making steam fish in our home sweet home!

See, his serious face. Of course, i am going to include this precious moment!

It was a great Saturday, then I feel like taking photos, styling myself before my baby bump got bigger.Also because I bought this pink beret hat. Nice or not?

The pandemic Lock-at-home time

WS learned to cook a lot of different dishes during this time.

This is one of them. I always told him that the food cooked by him is so good if he has lost his job, he could really consider to be a chef! Hahah, actually a lot of us can be a great cook, but I can't really cook everyday la.

and knowing that my baby bump will grow bigger soon, i was so inclined to do more exercise. So I also started on Tiktok to encourage myself to dance more, haha.

While recording, I thought I was dancing to the beat, with a very powerful and on-point movement (sharp/ on beat) , but as you can see, I also did not dare to jump and doing very powerful move knowing that I had a baby in me.

Back then, I didnt know that the first trimester is a vulnerable period. So I just carried on with my normal life, eat what I want, sleep more and sometimes, I would also stay up late at night to get my work done. I am still (at the moment of typing this) , unsure if this would lead to threatened miscarriage or not.

For one thing for sure, I would be extra careful and do anything necessary to protect my future baby in the first trimester. Most of the people told me that. The first trimester is very vulnerable one.

At night, testing with my black beret hat and the new pyjamas that I bought.

Then, on that night, there was a few drops of blood coming out (blood spotting), but i didn't feel pain, so I thought perhaps because I was wearing a tight pants.

WS and I both did our research, that it said that it is normal that a little blood might come out during the first trimester as my uterus was expanding.

Then....

Threatened miscarriage

1st July - Light blood spotting

2nd July - forgive me if it is too explicit to you, but this post is to archive the memory here. It won't be complete if these pic weren't here.

I placed my finger that so that when I showed it to doctor. The doctor would be able to estimate the size of the blood/tissue coming out.

3rd July 2021

I call it the egg white photo, because the gel-like structure reminds me of the egg white. This egg white photo was taken when I was still working on Sat morning, circa 10am - 12pm like that.

When we shown this photo to the gynea, she also told us that the baby might flow out already...

It was the egg white photo that prompted us to go and get doctor's consultation instead of feeling uneasy.

4pm : Then we were greeted with this beautiful photo. We were also manage to hear the heart beat of the baby.

If you see closely. Bottom right side there written EDD

EDD= Estimated Delivery Due :22nd Feb 2022 . What a rare coincidence of having

But that's not the mainpoint, we were relieved that we could see the baby, and hear the heart beat of the baby. Whatever is the EDD, our only wish is that he/she is healthy.

The gynae told us that my condition is 'Threatened miscarriage' , so she prescribed some drug for my condition. The drug is to be taken after meal.

5pm : Wend home and sleep. Woke up halfway because of the abdominal pain. The extreme pain in the uterus was so intense, I went to toilet and there is also blood , not the normal period blood, but the dark red blood coming out of it... (It is like the fresh blood oozing out from your wound, that kind of blood. )

Of course I was feeling uneasy. So I lay on the bed , while waiting for the pain to subside, I also believe that if I continue to lie on the bed. The baby will continue to stay inside.

I told myself that Wei Sheng and me are both very determined and not giving up easily. So our baby would be equally strong too.

6pm: Time for dinner. WS had prepared a delicious steam fish. But we both have no apetite to eat. He worried about me. At first, when I sat down, I could still eat like a normal, but I had cold sweat before I sat at the chair.

Then the pain increases, I ate with right hand holding the cutlery and my left hand rest on the chair, maintaining a straight upper body position.

Half way through, I couldn't tahan (tolerate) anymore, I quickly took the medicine 安胎药， even the instruction for the medicine was to eat after meal

Then , the pain was getting more intense, I lay on the sofa , and groaning, it was so painful (my uterus), at one point, I want to cry.

7pm - The Climax :We went to the hospital where we dropped by 4 hours ago. On the way driving there, the pain had disappeared, not reduce. No pain already.

Then I kind of have the feeling that....something had happeneded ....I couldn't control myself, trying hard not to cry. But it was too overwhelming. A few thought passed through my mind. The main thought was that...

the baby might have gone.

I burst out into tears on the way there. Then Wei Sheng was also trying to comfort me. I wept while entering through the main entry of the hospital,

skipped scanning the sejahtera app,

skipped the registration,

straight went into the doctor's room,

straight lay on the bed.

Opened my leg , to let the doctor to examine.Then it came out from doctor

" Yea, the baby slipped out already"

That's the point of time of the whole climax of the whole episode of the miscarriage/pregnancy loss.

It was confirmed already. Confirm that my baby has gone.

I mean when although I kind of knowing what might happen, but it wasn't confirmed yet. Or the doctor would have other way to save it even though it was threatened miscarriage.

Having to heard this coming out from the doctor's mouth confirmed that that was NO U-TURN (NO other ways to save it) already. CONFIRM already,

While I was crying , with WS holding my hand or hugging me I forgot already.

The doctor used a tool like scicssor to take out the tissue/muscle/baby. (Don't ask me to google the name of the tool)

At one point, I also looked at WS's eyes, his eyes filled with tear. After the climax, knowing the very unpleaseant truth/confirmation, at least I know what's happening. ...I calmed down a lot. Lying on the bed , let the doctor and nurse to do the rest of the job.

Don't worried, I am fine at the point of writing this. The uncertainty of the condition was what worried me. So, after the climax , it was a bit sad and relief at the same time, The uncertainty has gone, but the baby had also gone.

Basically, after the climax, the greatest sadness experience that was short and intense but shortly after that I was feeling a lot better already.

After getting down from bed, wow, I could walk like the usual way! I was quite surprise.

The extraction was happening without anesthetic even though it was just literally being taken out! and I manage to walk like the usual way.

I sat on the chair, doctor consulted us like how doctor consults you usually.

She told us (Yes, it's a female) that 1 in 3 couples would experience this , so this is a very normal condition. You are still young, take care of your body, then you will be pregnant again.

Later on, when I shared this miserably to some of my older friends, they also didn't feel so sorry to hear it, To them , it is like so normal , okay la, I guess it is as normal as fever ?? (It's my personal opinion, don't you judge. )

I mean despite it is a bitter truth, it is also a fact. The fact that comes with statistic and study. The first trimester is actually very vulnerable. Normally, it would be more stable after the first trimester.

After coming out from the room, we both sat and stare, trying to digest what happened. I took out my phone and immediately update my sejahtera app - from PREGNANT to NON-PREGNANT. The faster I get the vaccine, the safer it is to proceed with whatever my future plan's need. (a future pregnancy, a healthier body and whatever) .... then I continue to stare again.... (not having the right mood to browse social media like how we usually do)

UPDATE about the COVID VACCINE

3rd July - miscarriage

13th July - 1st Dose appointment - Sinovac

3rd Aug - 2nd Dose appointment - Sinovac

I myself also surprise how fast that I got my first jab appointment. In contratry, my husband who registered AZ vaccine got the appointment later than me. He would only go for his second AZ vaccine on 15th Sept.

TELLING OUR FAMILY

We didn't want to alarmed our family at the hospital. I might have burst out in tears and another 元气大伤again。 We just STARED while waiting to pay for the bill. and getting our next appointment. (Only by then I know that there is follow up after miscarriage to make sure all the tissue from the uterus has been removely completely to ensure a healthy uterus)

We went home as usual. Continue to munch on the meal that we left halfway.After that,we both called our family. It was a short quick call only. Too tired to speak. My mother also asked me to quickly go to bed, which I intented to do. My body at that time just want to rest and sleep only.